“You think you kno me, but you have no idea.”

November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011



I was about to conclude my half a year of 2010. I was about to mention the fights I had with my Friends. I was about to mention the breakups I had, the pain I've caused to people. I was about to mention how things changed drastically then in such a short period of time, how I watched my life crumbled into pieces before my very eyes.

But I was also about to mention how despite it all, I was still glad that half of my year happened. Even though, through all the struggles I had I've completely learn a lesson from a respective mistakes I made. I'm glad that I took the fall and I stood back up. How I felt so blessed now. Because I knew who stood by me when I fall and who just said they would but never did.


until THIS came along...

Happy Life Forever ! :) says:
hi i miss u

Happy Life Forever ! :) says:
you know right abang fadli's mom passed away ?

In a blink of an eye, I was trembling mess from hip to knee, filled with so much emotions that only God could explain. I didn't wanna believe it. I COULDN'T believe it. I just couldn’t.

It was then that I realized how in a moment, everything can change. I've known her for six wonderful years. Honestly, I don't even regret a single second spent knowing her, although it was frightening half the time. But through time, I got to kno her more and she became like a second mum to me. She took care of me, she never once judge me.

Staring up at a dark gray sky and it was late afternoon, I smiled. Because the first thought that came to my mind was you. I was at your house. Many many months back, or maybe even last year. The way I'd remember it. Someone brought along this boyanese dish over and you were so anxious to let me try it. I can never forget your laughter, your instant reaction when I admitted to you I didn't kno how to eat it. You taught me how to eat it and we were all happily munching and stuff when you said, "I can teach you how to cook this if you want to." I told you I'd come by some other day. But things got from bad to worst between fad and I that I just had to call it quits and I got the point that ending it with him would also mean ending the relations with your family, your entire family. I was distraught by the thought of never seeing you guys again. It broke my heart, literally, I swear.

But in the circumstances, I don't see what else I could have done. Yes, that one fine day never happened. And I’ll forever regret that it didn't. You always said the best things about me. You always start making lame jokes with me to make me feel comfortable. I'll thank God for opening my eyes, for getting to kno you, even if it lasted only for awhile but they're the best memory I have and it's all that I have left of you. I hope you kno how precious you were to me.

Honestly, I'd be lying if I say I'm okay because I'm truthfully not. Yes, I am tremendously devastated. It seems surreal to think that she's just... gone.


But these tears that shed, they're tears of love. You will always be loved. forever and always.


to Fadli, Farhanah, Amalina and Faisal,
if any of you happen to drop by here,
My deepest condolences goes out to you. Hold on, you can never change what's been and gone, but kno that your mum was a strong woman who fought the greatest battle and now she's in a better place. Be strong for her. We'll heal in time, I promise. You'll see her some day.


R.I.P Cik hamidah hamdi.
Such a beautiful soul,
gone too soon.

♥