*NADDY.*
Hello. My name is Nadiah Nabilah.

Born on the february 18th and my mum's life changed eversince. For better or the worse, I'll let you decide. My sleeping patterns are screwed and I get hungry fast. I'm a professional dreamer. My dreams weigh more than I do. My familia, boyfriend and friends are my people, my people are my life. <3

We're all damaged in our own way. Nobody's perfect. I think we are all somewhat screwy, every single one of us.

what you went through that day





Because I should stop complaining about my life.
Because I should start appreciating what I have.
Because there are people out there suffering worse

than me, than you, than us.
Because I should be thankful not living in that cruelness.
Because I should be thankful that at least I'm not roofless.
Because I should be thankful for the people who love me.
Because I should be thankful that I still have a family.
Because I should start praying
and thank God that I'm still breathing.

Then maybe you'll stop complaining.

Hola everybody. Haven't been on here since god knos when. Finally, after 20 days, this is my first 2010 entry. How have all you guys been during my absence? My plan for the holidays didn't turn out the way it should have. Well i didnt get a job like planned, so i thought instead, I could do some catching up with people whom I've neglected during my busybee period, but when I was all free, they disappeared. How odd. hmm.

Anyway, It's 2010 already. I still couldn't believe it. Wow. Don't you just wish that you could stop time? Not to enjoy the stillness of time but to figure out your journey in life. Where you want to go, what you want to do and how you go about figuring all that out. Sometimes it feels like everything else around me is spinning out of control. I guess a pure definition of 2009 was that. Everything is moving, except for me. It's like I'm standing by and looking and not doing anything. Everyone is marching to their own rhythm in life, whereas yours is just.. silence.

Frozen days and me freezing time in this journal. Sometimes I look back over my entries and I wonder who the person was that wrote them. But other times I remember exactly where I was and how I felt at that moment, for better or worse.

Through time, I’ve forgotten how it feels to feel safe. Maybe because all these while, whenever I thought I’d be safe, I usually wasn’t. I’ve forgotten how to be myself because I was always trying to be someone else. Because I always thought no one could ever love me for me, if they really knew who I was. I’ve forgotten how it feels like to let people in because I’ve been too scared to. I’ve been so busy putting up this wall around me that I exclude those people who care too, because I’m afraid at some point, they’ll leave me too.

Life has no warning signs. I think I really need to learn how to live life one step at a time. You make mistakes. I make mistakes. The thing is whether you let that hold you back or you learn from it and move on. The world won't stop because you had a minor set back in life. You simply would get up on your feet again. Standing still, with help from people that doesn't necessarily matter to you but to those people that cares for you. I'm trying so hard to convince myself to imply that to my everyday life because I'm only human and often stumble and fall. I could count the number of people that knos my life stories and struggles and it's not much. I guess you never really kno who those people are until you're at the lowest point of your life. It's sad. But still, I should be blessed.

I'm sorry. It’s usually times like this that hit me the hardest. When it’s late at night, the wind is howling outside my window and I hear the raindrops patter impatiently. That’s when I realise I’m actually all alone. I keep telling myself that I’m shivering because it's cold and it’s raining. But what I don’t tell myself is that, it has nothing to do with the rain. It has more to do with the fact that even with so many people surrounding me, I still feel what I feel. And It's sad, I gotta admit. But through ups and downs, highs and lows, I learn. That this is a new chapter now, a new story to write. It won't be happily ever after but I hope it'll be so much better. The clean slate is finally here. I will make full use of it to right my wrongs. And probably for those who've wronged me to make it right again. And this is exactly why 2010 will hopefully be a blessed year.

Anyho, on a much lighter note,

Seri katil turned 20 on the 20th.

Elai turned 22 on the 20th.

My aunt, turned "I should not say cos she might get offended" on the 20th. =x