CHANGING WORLD

“You think you kno me, but you have no idea.”

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!

Friday, August 28, 2009 || 12:35 PM

Let the weak say, " I am strong "

Let yourself say, " I was wrong "
Let your heart move on and on
Let your heart move on.

A good day, finally. Alhamdulillah. I am hoping that this goes on forever. This feeling of contentment, satisfaction and being occupied.

It's been so long since I've had this amount of fun. Not rollercoaster fun. But, heartwarming, pure fun. Haha. Makes me feel whole, you kno? :) For one. I am happy that my family's back. Natasha and me made peace with the sister. I'm reeeally glad we talked it out. Secondly, I made 3 new friends today. Thirdly, Final Destination is out and I can't wait to watch it. (YOU should kno why. =p) & well, I am very happy that I'm surviving the fasting month,

though........

A very very very busy week ahead
I can sense it coming! ):

TAG REPLIES!!

ZAM: ahaha. takde link ah zam. thanks for ur entry eh. hahah.

FITRI: we met, didnt we? =)

SASA: hahah. I thought I was. =/ ps: updated! hee.

RASH: aku taknak ckp dgn kau lagi, kau tak tau ke? hahah. jkjk. terdc la rashessss.

SASA & ZAM: korang buat aku nye tagboard jadi chatboard korang eh! hahaha.

ARFAH: Hey "should-have-been-a-councellor". Im fine now. Thanks. =)

Take care all!

IM A LOSER.

Sunday, August 23, 2009 || 1:33 AM

DEAR HEART, I BEG YOU TO

HOLD ON

He could do my name and I couldn't. -.-

I could only afford an "N". Pathetic much.

& syari, thank you for the EXTREMELYY belated-plus-random-tak-tahu-ape-mood birthday cake you got for me. I honestly thought it was some Kuih raye?? hahaha. "HAPPY BLABLA MONTHS AND BLABLA DAYS! YOU'RE 18!!" LOL.

see, I'm smiling.

B, erm, i'll see you tomorrow.

FIT: so, where do you want to meet?

ME: huh?

FIT: thought you say you need a hug?

ME: haha! Jangan merepek la!

Fit,

thank you v v v v v v much for the attempt of coming all the way from Yishun to Bukit batok so late at night just to be there for me.

"You kno I don't usually make long calls using my Prepaid. But untuk kau ehh."

awww. =')

yes, thanks to you too. =)

Sorry I haven't been updating much.
Life hasn't been a stroll in the park for me. And I don't think it's gonna end any time soon.

All along I've closed my eyes to the things you're doing. But it was impossible for me to close my heart to the hurt that I felt. It just took two days, two important days for this to happen. How did it get so bad?

I'm working so hard to show you that I can. Don't you dare say I never tried. Because I tried so hard. But what good does that bring? You don't seem to see it. All I get is sympathy and pityful look.

All these years, I cried to myself when things got bad, just so I could numb the pain inside of me. I reprimanded myself when I didn't do my best. I pushed myself to do the best I could. No matter how tough it got, I never failed to waver to try to win your approval. So tell me where did I go wrong?

But to think you exploited the opportunity for us to spend the first day of Ramadhan together. It's sickening and frustrating when people just don't understand what you're trying to say. I told you, I was just upset that you weren't around on the first day of Ramadhan and that you made us lie for you, not once, but twice, that's it, nothing else. Why do you keep insisting on reminding us of every memory that we've done wrong, every single thing i said, every single burden we've put you through? Weren't you being calculative too?

Or was that so you could prove your point? It's like you were trying to bury it, this little thing you won't admit. But you stumble out on stage, like you're an actress in a play.

Part of the reason why I just sat there and said nothing at first was because I was trying to keep my calm. I didn't want to make things worse. Telling myself, you had your reasons. You had your reasons why you left just kakak and me on the first day of Ramadhan alone. To sahur alone, and if nenek weren't around, we would break fast alone too. It may look like I'm making it such a big deal because it is. To me, at least. So I couldn't just sit there and do nothing. I was never that type of kid, you kno that. I lost my sense my control, ended up shouting at you and for that I solemnly apologised. I will never do that again. Not now and probably not ever.

I may seem like I was glaring at you when you fell flat on your face. I was actually pleading you to give me a hand. Truth is, I was just glad you were back home safe. But instead you yelled at me as if I was a pesky little mosquitoe you were trying to get rid of.

I was hurt,

by the very hands that brought me up.
But what am I without you?

By the end of the day, that, i gotta remember.

I will never ever want to hurt you, that, you gotta kno.

Ramadhan is a beautiful month, not a month of agony.

So I'm gonna tie my hand at the back.

please forgive me.

I love you so much.

Because ultimately,

this heart, it beats for only you.

TOUCHED.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 || 9:04 AM

~~Seven~~ Three Days MC.
Puffy Eyes.
Swollen Throat.
Flu.
Fever.
Terrible Migraine.

I'm as weak as a kitten. Not being able to go for school sucks so bad. I kno, I can't believe I'm saying it myself. But everything's changed now. My doctor said that I have something like H1N1. Kangaroo flu? =S On a serious note, pictures will be up soooon. Hopefully after I get well. So wait for it. Patience is a virtue people. =)

They say when shit happens, you'll kno who really cares for you. I have someone messaging me in between her busy schedule to ask how I am progressing, I have someone texting me to get well fast, I have someone blogging about me to get well soon, I have someone coming down just to see if i'm getting better, I have someone who's willing to pay for my doctor bill, I have someone who prepared meals for me, I have someone who went all out for me so I won't miss much in School, I have someone who bought Apple pie for me, knowing herself that she couldn't afford much and i'm lucky that the list goes on until I find myself constantly thanking people for their endless concern. The feeling's overwhelming.

So again, for those who care, thank you. I put my hands up. =)

In my shoes, just to see
what it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
just to see what it'd be like

to feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside each others minds
just to see what we'd find
look at the shit through each others eyes

LEND ME YOUR COURAGE.

Sunday, August 9, 2009 || 11:30 AM

Jealousy, look what you've done.
you've got a hold on me
you've made me become.
thought I'd never be what I'm running from.

NENEK OH NENEK...

Saturday, August 8, 2009 || 12:48 AM

zs. says:
haha! u got a cool mom.haha.tk outdated nye...nenek keropok pun cool.ada facebook

L VE, nadiah. says:
hahaha
stop it seh dgn nenek keropok kau

zs. says:
haha.kau should see the pics of types of keropok.
cnfm u'll crackup like a crackerjack.

L VE, nadiah. says:
hahaah
dier belom accept aku nye request ah

zs. says:
kau kene bukak dulu pintu.haha...cnfm dia accept nye.

L VE, nadiah. says:
ahahah
aku da bukak pintu
gate semuer da bukak

zs. says:
haha.not now haha..time maghrib gitu..nenek dtg pun ada timing beb.dia naik bus.hah

L VE, nadiah. says:
HAHAHA
belom cukop maju nk naik taxi

zs. says:
haha.org tanak beli keropoknye cm ne nk maju.and how she manage to travel sey?woodlnds to tampines..naik bus..hmm

L VE, nadiah. says:
can waaaad
bukit batok to airport also can

zs. says:
suspect kuat dia concession ezlink.HAHAH

Be honoured, zam. Be very honoured. Hahah.

IF IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, MAKE SOME NOISE.

Thursday, August 6, 2009 || 1:48 AM

That's us, Natasha and me being held hostage because we were sick. Ok no, but thanks to this girl right here, I felt sick. Wouldn't be sick if not for her spreading germs around.

One minute, I was fine. The very second I start to sneeze, I couldn't stop. Then dizziness symptom joined the party which made my temper hard to control. I think not being able to taste the food I'm eating was part of the reason. You kno how I am with food. =x

(10:52 PM) " kiiiim " [] : get well soon darling! jaga diri baik baik! make sure when i see you, you're in the pink of health. mwah!

Might seem mediocre to most, but it got me smiling for a long while. Not because I am lacking love, but because it feels good to kno someone cares. Even if you kno you haven't been in the closest/warmest of terms for the longest time. =)

So this was what what I've been up to lately.

Schoooool.

Friends.

Food.

Handphone communication.

Uncle Henry's treat. =)

Self timer tryout with the sisters.

again...

and again...

Non-stop Hits.

Last but not least,

Ayah's birthday!

... where there's food and cakes.

and presents...

and blowing candles...

And a picture that'll make you either go.. "eww" or "aww"

Happy birthday, ayah. =)

Anyho, just a little something for Kakak here. Something I want to say. Something I should do more often. Especially when I kno for sure, now, that she's the one who will get me from head to toe. Even if I spoke my own language, a made-up language, she'll get me. I kno something's bugging her. What's worse is she isn't sharing. But I just want her to kno that as much as I suck at comforting, I'm always here for you. I've always known how difficult it is for you. But never failing to live up to your title, you chose to suppress your emotions. I love you okay, and this you must never forget. Even if you get married and have 11 children and make a mini Manchester United football team. Hahaha. You too Natasha, don't ever think that I have left you out. =)

I'm gonna take the dive. And I am gonna push the shift to overdrive.
Let's just hope I make it through this alive.